Friday, May 20, 2011

Home again, home again, jiggity gig.

I feel like my life has been pretty uneventful lately…which, for all intent and purpose is a damn good thing.  So I was sitting on the roof of my building this morning thinking I really need to update my blog and let y’all know what’s going on.  But then I was like, as of late, life's been pretty boring…but once I gave it a little more thought…it all started flooding in.  Who am I kidding….

Okay so where to begin…well, I don’t think I have told you all the story about my new apt, which, and I will totally dive into this later, has a magic portal….I know. You’re all like, put down the crack pipe and get on the next plane back to Houston.  No crack, but a lot of imagination and once you experience it, you will want a hit. 
Trust me.

Finding a place to live in LA is a tricky ordeal.  First you must decide what you can afford, then where you want to live, then your ideal housemates (if you need to share) then what amenities you want in your place….factor all that in and then settle on what you can afford.  Who’s kidding who here.  Ideally, I would be in Malibu in a fat pad with glass walls, insane kitchen for hosting dinners, an infinity pool looking over the ocean and a staff, a small staff.  That, will come.  For now, I have champagne taste on a beer budget, which is fine.  I am from Texas, I’m good with beer, for the time being.

So I do what all newcomers do, get an LA Weekly, update my subscription to Craigslist, ask friends about places and start the hunt for my new home.

As some of you know, I moved to LA in Jan, stayed a month or so with a very good friend from High School, then stayed a week with a very good new friend in Burbank, then lived the high life on the Sunset Strip with a couple guys I grew up with from Texas…It was awesome because I was able to familiarize myself with the lay of the land, got to know where I did and didn’t want to live and was able to focus on getting myself firmly into the pulse of Los Angeles. 

But, in staying with friends for the first three months of my journey, it was a security blanket for me.  In and good and bad way…Good because these all were people I have known before moving to LA, knew for years and made me feel welcome and wanted around them.  So when it was time for the baby bird to leave the Sunset Strip nest, it was hard.  I am sure they guys were ready to get rid of me, but it was another goodbye, another time to grow, another time to go.  It was kind of sad.  And the kicker is I was only moving 3 miles away, but it was the end of a chapter and we all knew it.  As I was getting into the taxi on the night I was leaving with all my stuff (read shoes) and felt that empty feeling in my soul again, but this time, there was excitement and hope right behind it.  As I say goodbye, they ask me to stay, momentary insanity I’m sure, we hug, I tell them how much their kindness and love means to me and shut the door.  It’s a very poetic moment, light drizzle, girl in cab leaving, guy on the curb waving and tell the driver my address.  I look down and think, this is scary.  I am so going to miss those guys.  A couple minutes later I get a text, Miss you already…please come back! 
It’s going to be OK.
New home, here I come!

Before I introduce you to the 305 (my new home), I must share with you how I came to live here….

After checking out a ton of places…one, for example was a home “just north of Hollywood proper” in North Pasadena.  I wasn’t 100% sure of the distance North Pasadena was, but when I spoke to the girl on the phone, she said it wasn’t far…Okay, cool…I will jump on the bus, Google informed me it was just one that would take me door to door…sweet.  I grab a bottle of wine (I hate showing up empty handed) as a “thank you for the consideration” gift and hit the road.  After 2 hours on the bus, with stops, I am beginning to think this place is way too far…but I have come all this way, the gal was super nice, so what did I have to lose. 

I get off the bus in this quaint neighborhood and walk up to the house.  I see like 5 cat bowls…Not too much of a cat fan, but that’s not a deal breaker.  She opens the front door as I am checking out the cat buffet and she says, “we have a lot of strays we like to feed and help out.” 
Strays?  Nervously I laugh and give her the bottle of wine…In my mind, this was a kind gesture….later, I found out, it was a sober living environment.  (Strike 1)  then I am informed house guests are not really recommended (Strike 2) and just so I knew, we’d have weekly meetings to discuss house-issues.  (Strike 3 – I’m out.)

Okay so that was a bust. 

So I turn to the LA Weekly and start skimming the home ads...one catches my eye...
In a nutshell the ad said this:
West Hollywood.  Great location.  Beautiful old home with a basement apartment, a dungeon - no windows, but a/c and plenty of space to create, completely furnished.  $1000 a month, or by the week.   Animals OK.
Well here’s why this is right up my alley…

1. I love the West Hollywood area or “WeHo” as the locals call it..it’s fun, hip, safe and very centrally located.  I stayed in WeHo when I first got to LA, so this is great.
2. I love old homes…not antiques, but that’s a whole other blog within itself, old homes have character and charm. 
3. A dungeon suits me just fine..I don’t need windows and plus it will make me want to spend as much time as possible outside, awesome.
4. A/C – hello!
5. Plenty of room to create…as a writer, I need creative space with quiet and this sounds ideal.
6. Completely furnished!  This is fantastic since all my stuff is still in Houston!
7. Right in-line with my $1,000 a month budget.
8. Pets OK!  Charlie is welcome!

SLAM DUNK!
I call the number…The owner of the place sounded super cool and said it was still available!  Hold it, cuz I’m on my way!  I am soo excited.  I throw on my backpack, grab my checkbook and hit the streets for the 2 mile walk to my new home.  I believe there was even a bounce in my step.  On my way there, I am picturing how I am going to decorate my new creative space with my art and drafting table and all things that inspire me, and of course - Charlie.

I get to the house and it’s precious, your typical California home complete with a front porch, beautiful mini-rose garden and the sweet sound of wind chimes blowing in the breeze.  Heaven.

Ricky, the owner, answered the door, so sweet and was like, Hi and I was like, Hi!  I said, “I am Caroline Parker, I just spoke to you on the phone!  I am so excited about your creative dungeon!  It sounds perfect for me and I love the fact I can hide out and do my business without anyone knowing!”

I kept talking and talking, going on and on about how excited about this place I was, we go down the steps to the basement and he unlocks the door.  It’s really safe because there was 4 deadbolt locks on there!  No one breaking in here and my Mom will appreciate that.  I am so excited I can hardly wait, we walk in, he flips on the lights…..

What the f………………….




                 Holy shit………………………………it’s a dungeon.

                                     A   D U N G E O N.

Ricky said, “what do you think?  Do you think this will be good space for you to create in?” and he winks at me.  Oh my stars, which I am seeing a ton of at this moment because for whatever reason I was just thrown into a time and space I didn’t even know existed…my entire conversation with him played back in my head, “I don’t need windows, I like it dark, the space will help me create, I love the fact I can do my business without anyone knowing.”  Oh my God….I am an S&M Mistress. 

This has been a HUGE mistake.  But I had to think fast or this dude would think I was a freak.  The Dungeon owner.  You know what I mean.  So I just switched into gears and was like, what kind of straps you got in here…and these chains, what’s a…what’s the load capacity?  (I wanted to die.)

I kicked the bed for structural soundness and told him I would need to talk it over with my team (I don’t know) and thanked him very much for his time.  No, no I never called back.  It was a lovely dungeon though, if you’re into that sort of thing.  Hey, I am not here to judge.

Am I ever going to find a home?  

And just like always, the winds, they change……

That weekend I was hanging out with friends when I got a text from a girl I met in my first session at The Second City…
”You still looking for an apt to rent?  I need a roommate.”
“Does it have windows?”
“Yes”
 “I’m in”

Welcome to the 305!  Located on the border of Los Feliz and Thai Town…I have renamed it Loz Thai.  And I love it. 
We have a great apt, two-story, two-bedroom, two-bathroom, one balcony and a roof-top deck with a fantastic view of Griffith observatory and I discovered a magic portal that takes me places I never imagined going.  I shot a little video of it for you...enjoy.
Until next post,
Caroline